I feel it gurgling down deep in my bones. It feels like change. A scary change I try to deny. A feeling I need to move. But, how. Where. When. I have no idea what purpose God has for me in this season of life.
The last year or two has caught me with a rumbling in my soul. A question of purpose. What does God have in store for me? How will God use me to reach others?
"What is your ministry" often asked in the church setting especially when a warm body needed. When our children were younger, I knew my ministry. To raise our children, with the best of my ability and with God's help, into productive and Godly people. I had purpose.
Two children down and one to go. Our young adult children still need us. But in a different way. In a few years the last child will graduate high school. Then what? Is my 'job' over? What is my passion? My purpose? My ministry?
Sometimes I feel God is just leaving me 'hanging' on this quest. Or maybe my time with Him isn't what it should be and I'm just not listen. I may or may not have an inkling of a dream and purpose. But, is it coming from me....or God. I want to hear it from the Big Guy, Himself. Why doesn't He write what we should do in the sky? Or call or text.
"Dream big - God does."
Does anyone else quake in his/her boots at the thought of dreaming big? It is the new year and we are to have goals. Goals to run after. Goals to chase down and mold into our dreams. What if those lassoed dreams are not God's dream for us?
I have a history of failure.
I'm also a perfectionist.
Why even try...I'll never finish or I'll fail anyway.
I know, I really need therapy.
On New Year's Day, while scrolling through the facebook news feed, a post intrigued me. You see, for days I had been struggling to put into words what I just wrote above. The post by Holley Gerth was like she was in my head. Which, by the way, is a scary place and I wouldn't recommend anyone trying to get into my head!
Her ebook, entitled The Do What You Can Plan, was just what I needed. Holley encourages small steps. Small steps I can do.
What is my God-sized dream? At the moment, I haven't a clue. It's okay that I don't know. I'm a work in progress. I have a feeling God will let me know in His almighty timing.
Would you like to come along on this journey? Click on over to Holley's blog every Tuesday to join a community of encouragement. I think it will be a fun ride... Who's with me?!