Friday, July 1, 2011



Does that word send shivers down your spine or do you jump for joy?

Depending on your definition of change, it could do either. For example, I think I'd jump for joy if I found change in the bottom of my purse or in a can't fit into forgotten  pair of jeans. However, if change meant something that just uprooted me to the core, then shivers down my spine might apply.

Change can also mean I need to work on me. You know, change me...phew, just got a shiver! Change the way I do things, the way I see things and yes, change my a...a...a...attttt....attitude (huge shiver).

But, I'm comfortable with me. And if people don't like me...tough, it is their problem not mine. Oh, reader, aren't we good at believing that lie?

I'm a mean girl some days. I gossip and then only after I gossip I realized I did it. [hangs head in shame] I don't get why people annoy me so I become annoyed with them. I can blame it on horrormones but I can't blame all of it on that. [even though I try my best to blame it on that!] I don't love people well when I don't like them. [there, I said it.]

God calls me to love my neighbor. Not love only the ones I like and are easy to love but love those who are not easy to love as well. Sigh. I try, people, I really do. Some days, I'm just not good at it. Other days, I take a deep breath and really try.

The biggest thing I need to change? I think I really need to learn to love myself. Accept me. Really believe God loves me and chases after me when all others fail me, leave me and reject me. I'm not good at rejection and it really hurts. And, changing the way I think of myself...well, wow, that is harder than it seems. I mean really, it sounds a little selfish to talk about "me, me, me." If I can't love me, can I love others well?

So, here is to changing. Learning to love others better, love God better, and believe God better. If you are in the midst of change, I'm pullin' for ya!

Because I care, I'm letting you in on what I've been listening to for about a week straight. I am particular fond of tracks 5 & 6...

Third World Symphony by shaungroves

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