Got Parents?

When we are young, we think our parents are older than dirt. Then, we begin to age. Things begin to take on a new look. Forty isn't so old after all. And, 70? Why, a person is still in his/her prime.

No matter how hard it is to face, we all age. As the calendar rapidly turns from one month to another, the body starts to rebel. No matter how hard one tries to defy the aging process it will happen to all of us.

And so it is the same with our parents. One day we'll all need to deal with our parents declining health. This is the stage of life I am in...along with still raising a child under the age of eighteen. I've been dealing with this stage for roughly five-seven years...and at that time I had three children under eighteen. Sandwich "generation"? Yes.

This isn't a pity-party post. I hope it is a post that will help someone as I find not many talk about caring for a parent. I'm not sure why that is. Maybe I'm not in the right "group"? Maybe people just don't want to talk about it? I'm not sure. Whatever you, dear reader, are going through with a parent, I empathize with you. It's hard. It's frustrating. It's sad. It's stressful. You often feel torn between care for your parent and other responsibilities. I know...I know. Did I mention it's stressful?

There are books out there in bookland that can help you deal with aging parent(s). The following are just two I've found. I haven't read the entire book as I am reading a sample of it on our Kindle but it's called How to Care for Aging Parents (3rd edition) by Virginia Morris. The next is a book I have not read even a sample but what I've read of reviews, it sounds helpful. It is called Necessary Conversations: Between adult children and their aging parents.

In How to Care for Aging Parents, I found my head nodding yes! and feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders because someone finally put into words what I couldn't and what I didn't/don't think others understand. The author has a chapter in the book about getting others to help and to take care of yourself. Well, as a woman/mom/wife, that doesn't come naturally to me. Whether right or wrong, I take care of myself last. The author must be the same way as she admits she didn't take her own advice. She had a doctor friend over one evening for a meal and the subject of caring for yourself came up:

"...a doctor friend complained he had to be on call the next night. Although he didn't usually get called to the hospital, he explained that he couldn't relax, knowing that he might be. 

That was it. That was the part of this job I hadn't expected, hadn't recognized, and couldn't really explain. Even when you're not juggling medications, or cleaning up vomit, or finding an aide to fill in, you are on call. You know that all is not right in the world, that disaster could strike at any moment, and that when it does, you will have to deal with it. And, whatever happens, you will feel responsible for it."

(in the Kindle ebook sample this quote is found on Loc 174) 

She goes on to say that she had been on call for as long as she could remember and it was this more than the daily care that had worn her out. I finally felt like someone understood. Just reading what she wrote finally made ME understand. 

Now, don't get me wrong, my dad is still well enough that I don't need to go over every single day. He is in charge of his own medication and still lives on his own. However, like the last few days, I am wondering when the phone is going to ring in the middle of the night (it's happened many times), or when I'm going to need to decide if this is just a touch of the flu or if he has something else going on. I feel responsible. He asks me "what do you think I should do?" It's exhausting. When my dad feels good he is great! When he has an issue then it's usually bad. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like for a full-time caregiver. I just want to hug someone who is going through that process. 

Another helpful hint involves medications and medical information. When dad's medication list got very long and so did the list of conditions and specialists, I sat down at the computer and compiled a list.

• At the top of the document is my dad's name and birth date. Emergency contact information is next with my name and contact info and then my brother's information (since I'm the closest in proximity). 
• Current medications with an "as of" date is next. In listing the medication, I listed the dosage and when he is to take it, what it is for in layman terms and on a few I wrote which pharmacy has the prescription since his main pharmacy didn't stock a particular med. 
• Next are all his conditions with the date it happened on most, then his doctors/specialist and finally his church home, pastors and that contact information. 

It is a very handy list. It does take time to compile then update as needed but it is worth the time when you're in the ER with your parent. Also, note, apparently Medicare requires a "retirement date" now. So, when your parent(s) retire, make a special note of that as well.

However, what I didn't think about until reading the book sample is making this list available, in clear sight, and clearly marked in the event we would need to call emergency personnel to his home. After reading that tip, I contacted a friend who is a Paramedic. He said they will look on the refrigerator, bathroom or kitchen counter, or go through purses and wallets for information if they have time. He said something clearly marked by his medications is the best place to have the information they need to care for the patient. I am now working on getting the already made list into a list they would need and making copies of some other paperwork. Here is a charity devoted just to this Vial of Life Project with tons of information.

I won't overwhelm you any more but I just felt it was information that needed to get out among those in the trenches and perhaps prepare others. Take baby steps and it won't seem so overwhelming.

What other tips/ideas do you have when it comes for caring for an aging parent?

Of Trees, Sidewalks and Passion

Once upon a time, in a land of beautiful trees, fields and sunsets, there was a little town. She was a happy little town. A town filled with loving people. A school filled with caring teachers. A community who rallied around its own. A community rich in history and love of God.

Still, she wasn't a perfect little town. She had problems. She had times of happiness and sadness. She was dealt life punches but came out unscathed because of the support this little town had from those who loved her.

Parents allowed their children freedom to explore the town never fearing safety for their own. Children peddled their bikes as fast as they could down sidewalks, roads and through the ball fields. Soon the sidewalks began to buckle as the beautiful trees grew straight and tall down the main street. Children would pop wheelies over the bigger drops in the sidewalk. But, some children also took some falls over those uneven spaces. Roots from the trees liked to shake up the sidewalk over the many years.

"Time for change," was the cry. "New sidewalks for everyone!"

Cheers were heard across the land as residents of this little town jumped aboard the sidewalk train. County commissioners planned and held meetings. And, soon a plan was formed and grants secured.

"Woohoo! New sidewalks will make this old little town sparkle and shine!"

The little town was happy she was getting a face lift in the form of new sidewalks. She danced with the hundred-year-old trees who lined the main street. The trees were happy for now they had new sidewalks to shake up.

Then, came the day the happy, little town was told her trees, the trees who caused most of the sidewalk decay, would need to be cut down. Oh, the residence of this happy, little town cried, "Not fair! Not the trees. We love the look the trees give this town. We are unique! We won't give up without a fight."

A meeting was held. "It's too late to stop this," was heard. "No! There has to be another way. We must save the trees." Yet, others said, "We need new sidewalks. Think of the safety. Someone will get hurt if they trip over an uneven edge."

Petition drives were commenced. "Help us save the trees. The animals make the trees their homes. The fall won't be the same if the trees are cut down."

This story, above, is true. And, the "fight" is still going on. I'm not going to say which side I'm on since I'm not a resident of this little town. Will I miss seeing the trees with the tops kissing as I drive into town? You bet. Do I think safety is an issue walking down those sidewalks? You bet!

However, what I'm most concerned about is do we, as humans, have this kind of drive and determination for things other than sidewalks and trees? Look around. People. People are hurting in this world. People are lonely and just waiting for someone to notice them. People are crying out all around us and, at the moment, most of the talk, in my very small corner of the world, is new, improved sidewalks vs saving trees. (don't get me wrong-debate and democracy is a great thing)

Children are being stolen and sold into human trafficking. Families become indentured slaves to put food on the table. Wives are being beaten by husbands (and vise versa) and are too afraid to tell anyone. A child fears for his/her own life in what is to be a safe place, home. A new mother in a non-friendly Christian country is sentence to be executed because she refused to renounce her Christian faith. Girls in India are being killed when they are born or soon after just because they are girls. Girls will cost the family money as the family will have to pay the grooms family when she is married. Drinking water is dirty, therefore, making children and adult sick.

A basketball game has more cheers than we, church going people, give someone who has just accepted Christ. A baseball player who just hit a home run has more congratulations and encouragement than someone who feels called into the mission field to proclaim Jesus to others.

Yes, the little town has helped and shown an outpouring of love for down-on-hard-times people and those with medical needs/expenses. But, let's not make the "battle" over sidewalks and trees the only claim to fame for this little town. I love seeing the passion and determination on both sides of this fence. It is a mighty good, little town with even finer people.

But,  let's, also, use the fire, determination, boldness and passion for others who are outside our little town. Think about how we, as a community, could make a difference one person at a time.

Praying the passion the residence feel will bubble over outside the community so others can see how great this little town really is....

Just something that has been on my mind. All opinions are mine and only mine.

Things that make you go....hmmmm

Knowing I had posted something on my facebook page so I could find it again, I went 'a-scrolling' down my page. Have you ever done that? It is an interesting trip down memory lane...to say the least! However, I began finding little nuggets of wisdom (not me!) I had posted from others. 

Here are just a few that stood out (first one is by yours truly because sometimes Mother's Day is hard):

Happy Mom's Day to all the moms. Just a reminder to be sensitive to those who want to be moms but are unable, those who are single, those who have kiddos in heaven, and those whose moms are no longer with us....it is a tough day sometimes/some years. If you know someone who is "like a mom", let her know how special she is to you and/or your kids.

 “For the rest of your life, there are going to be windows, Ellie. Some are going to lead to places you shouldn't be, and some are going to lead to a more beautiful view. I can’t open them for you and I can’t tell you which ones you are supposed to open. But He can, and He will. Your job is to know Him well enough to hear Him, and to be constant in obeying Him.” ~author Angie Smith talking to her 10 yo daughter who had just climbed out a window and onto a roof to retrieve a necklace.

 "Mister Rogers was an ordained minister, but he never talked about God on his program. He didn't need to."~~Tom Brokaw

"We can’t solve problems for others. We can introduce them to the Lord." ~~Corrie Ten Boom

"What someone says can only hurt you if you start thinking it yourself." ~~Cj Darlington Ties That Bind

"Always keep eternity before them. Think of eternity — and live backwards from that.

Don’t waste a minute of your life on anything less than eternity — and that’s. what. love is. Eternal, without end. Let love happen to you. Don’t fight the hurt. It’s making you real." ~~Ann VosKamp

"So what about being a leader and setting the example? Isn’t that a good thing? Isn’t that what parents and youth leaders tell students all the time?
 The more I think about it, the more I believe this well-meaning statement is not only a manipulative way to try to control our daughters’ behavior, but can also be dangerous to their spiritual health. When we tell her to be an example, we may as well just hand her a mask right there – Here. Hide behind this. Don’t let them see you struggle." ~~ Emily P Freeman

What do you think? Which quote stood out the most or spoke in deafening volume to you? 

Time

It's May, People. May. Where in the world has the time gone? Seriously. Where?!

And, since time is flying faster than a jet-fighter plane  on a mission, I haven't posted in a very long time. I know you've been just holding your breath and checking my blog every single day--even multiple times a day just to make sure I was alive. **wakes up and realizes other people have lives**

What have I been doing, you ask. Thanks for asking. April brought on a lot of birthday ice cream cakes...hubs, my dad and then our son's just to name a few. I may or may not have packed away a few pounds from all that "celebrating". April filled up with me driving my dad to doctor appointments because when you're eighty-seven everybody (docs) want to see you.

And, our Dancer Daughter found out she was accepting into a missionary program as staff (voluntary). You'll notice a "donate" button on the right side of the page if you are inclined to donating. No pressure. Really.

She'll be gone for two years. We don't have her schedule, yet, but the only time I believe she'll be coming home is for Christmas and two or three weeks in the summer. Will I miss her, oh my word, you have no idea. But, can't fight God. Click over to her blog to read her story on how this all came about. Prayers are always welcome!

Recently, we watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. There was a quote that was shown quite often. But the last part of the quote really struck me:

...draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of Life.  

We so often think life is about us. It's not. It's about God. Serving God. And in serving God, we'll automatically serve others.

 

Blank Page

Staring at the blank page my fingers took off like they had a mind of their own. What to write. What to say. What to express. Questions. Questions that deserve answers.

The five minutes I gave myself to freely express thoughts popping in my head now seem like a very bad idea. Does anyone really want to read my thoughts? Does anyone care? Then, I remembered the book I've been slowly reading. And, that six part sermon series I soaked up online.

Crash the Chatterbox. [Hearing God's Voice Above All Others]

How easy it seems to shut off all of the negative self-talk. But, it's not. Yesterday as I was getting ready for church my hair was...hhhmmmm...being more stubborn than I am and that is saying something. It was, to put it nicely, behaving badly. Nothing I did would soothe it's wildness. a major coating of hairspray later, I left the mirror muttering all the way.

One more look in the mirror right before leaving for church didn't help my grumbling. My self-talk began to tell me how square my face looked with the shirt I was wearing and I was convinced the bad-hair-day-hair wasn't helping the situation. I grumbled loudly this time and one of our daughters heard and scolded me. She basically disagreed with me and told me to stop talking to myself. To, "crash the chatterbox". I hate when she is the mother and I'm the child. [ok, my five minutes are up but I'm going to keep going because it gets really good...]

We have a Kindle that my husband likes to take to church to use for his Bible. I've come into the habit of reading a little bit of the Crash the Chatterbox book as he drives. Church is only 8 minutes from our house but I can get a page or two in before we pull in the parking lot. Well, guess what I read Sunday morning?

"I wonder how much of its forty-eight-thousand-word quota your chatterbox has already filled today? 

Did you hear it in the closet while you were getting dressed, telling you that it doesn't matter what you put on, that nothing will look good on you because you're too flabby, too bony, too pale, too old, or, in a single word, defective? ..."

The garbage of our minds. I've been spewing garbage in my mind for so long I didn't even realize it was happening. When I keep putting myself down, I'm really saying I'm not good enough. And, when I say I'm not good enough, I'm putting God down as well. If I'm talking to myself in such a negative way am I truly leaving room to hear from God? Those voices in my head get pretty loud (and annoying) at times. What would happen if I silenced them? Would God's voice come through loud and clear?

Shouldn't a person just get to a certain age and have everything all worked out and no problems whatsoever?

Yeah, I didn't think so either. [sigh]

So, here's to crashing that mean-old-Mrs Chatterbox! It's not going to be easy but who said anything good comes easily.

A Broken Kind of Beautiful - Review

The girl with the haunted eyes reentered his life on the other side of a lowering casket, humidity and the shrill song of cicadas tangling together in the South Carolina heat.                                 ~~A Broken Kind of Beautiful~~

Dear Ivy,

When I first met your twenty four year-old model-self I was intimidated. Your incredible beauty, your tall stature and air of confidence. Men falling all over you; using your beauty to get what you want. You were something I'm not.

Do you remember the first time we met, Ivy? It was in South Carolina at the graveside as the casket of your estranged father was lowered into the ground. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. Your eyes so haunted and full of secret hurts. You glanced my way but then found Davis Knight surrounding his Aunt Marilyn with arms of protection. Ivy, you built a wall of protection around yourself so quickly it made me gasp and take a step back. Even though the bars weren't visible, I could see you were a prisoner* in the thick wall you built. You ran as quickly and unnoticed as you could away from us.

So, it came as shock when you came back to town shortly after the funeral. A town you seemed to want to forget. The town of your father but not your mother. A town who seemed to judge your innocent self because of the affair your dad and mom shared.

To my dismay, you began hanging out with Davis and living with your dead father's wife. I know you share common ground with Davis since he was a former fashion photographer in NY and you're a model. I can see Davis has issues from his past that he keeps hidden; maybe you relate with him on that level. However, something didn't add up when you agreed to live with Marilyn, your step-mother.

Don't get me wrong. Marilyn loves well. She's a mamma figure to most in this town. But, Ivy, I saw her watching you. Love - the unconditional God-kind-of-love - poured out of her soul. Yet, you rejected her over and over again. It hurt me to watch your rejection. Ivy, you are well worth loving even if your dad couldn't even see you through his guilt. It was his guilt, Ivy, not you. Please, let others love you.

I wish I could be here with you as you read this letter. I would take your face ever so gently in my hands and look right into your haunted eyes and say, "You are worthy. You are worthy of our Father God's love. You are worthy of man's love. You are worthy. Feel these words in your heart. Hear them in your mind. Soak in these words deep in your soul. Please don't waste anymore of your life looking for love when it's right here waiting for you to accept it."

Ivy, you will always be beautiful. But, don't let that beauty cloud what God has laid before you. He wants you. You are worthy of His love. Your past mistakes are just waiting to be forgiven. Just ask, Ivy. Just ask.

May you find love - the true Love who knit you together in your mother's womb. He's waiting for you, Ivy, with open, loving arms. Please trust me.

*loosely quoted from novel

**I received an advanced reading copy of A Broken Kind of Beautiful from the publisher, WaterBrook Press. I was asked to give an honest review. Since I had read author Katie Ganshert's other two novels I had high expectations. This book exceeded my expectations. The author's writing is beautiful and the message behind those words are even lovelier. It's a novel in which you'll mull over days after reading the last word on the last page. See the official back cover synopsis and more here!

I highly recommend A Broken Kind of Beautiful to women, young and not-so-young-anymore.

A Broken Kind of Beautiful releases April 15th. Pre-order today! Seriously, click on the link. I'm not kidding!! Do it. Do it now.**

Side note and freebie! ;) This song reminds me of Ivy....may you find enjoyment and a sweet message within Bloom by Moriah Peters.

When the World Becomes a Bit Smaller

When your child travels to a third world county (or two), you are nervous for her safety. Thrilled when you stalk her facebook page to see someone tagged pictures of her in said country(s). Ecstatic when you receive an email or phone call.

When your child returns from the country(s), slowly stories start to pour out. Stories that make your heart break for the people, or more specifically, woman and children of the countries. Conditions and nightmares I could not imagine living through each and every day. When your child tells you there are some things she may never tell you, you wonder if that is a good thing or bad.

Even though you have not set foot on that land, your heart breaks and falls in love at the same time for the people. You begin to pray for a revival across the nations. Praying for the people, the conditions, and the many factors involved.

Sure, you've seen pictures of the people of the countries your child visits. But, seeing pictures your child took of smiling children, clinging children who just want to be loved, the world becomes smaller. I'm tearing up just thinking of the faces. Happy faces of children who are getting attention from a beautiful stranger. Pictures of little feet in sandals when it is winter. Pictures of moms beautifully smiling when handed blankets to keep their families warm during the coldest winter in years. The world becomes smaller.

Our daughter received devastating news this week. I can't go into details but it involves children she knows in one of those countries. These children, who stole her heart and wrecked her in a good way, were removed from a loving situation and moved into a situation that is heartbreaking. Without giving out too much information, Christian persecution is in full swing. 

Please pray as God leads.